I’m sat in a coffee shop, typing this on my phone having just had a ridiculous experience….
I’ve been to a nice out of town shopping centre, with no kids which is a rarity for me. “Great” I thought. “I can get some new clothes, new shoes, smarten myself up a bit.”
If you know me, you’ll know that I’m a fashion inbetweener; neither super fashionable nor super frumpy. I’d really like to look smart and on trend all the time but I don’t have the money and I’m just not the type.
But when I shop, I get this wave of crazy woman about me. I become consumed by finding the right jeans, right boots, that one style of top that will be my go to forever more because it makes me look trim with a hint of healthy bosom.
Today I got the “need” in my head. Suddenly our budget went out the window and the 3 new jumpers, 4 tops, jeans, boots and some new socks were essential. I easily justified it as I began trying stuff on.
So I’m stood in a Topshop changing room, squeezing myself into a pair of jeans and putting on a trendy jumper that was the colour of my skin and made me look like a spotless Mr Blobby. Gently I hear a little voice in my head….”Hannah….get a grip”.
You might call it my internal monologue or conscience but I call it the Holy Spirit. The quiet voice of God that helps me to make the right decisions. So I asked Holy Spirit what to do. I felt him say to go and get a coffee. In the bible it talks a lot about being still. I guess this was God’s way of telling me in the busyness of the shopping centre, to be still.
As I walked out the shop, empty handed I was reminded of something I’d shared at church not long ago. That week our car had started making some loud clunking noises. It’s nearly 10 years old and has recently had to have a bit of work so I thought “That’s it. We need a new car!” Before I knew it I was on a forecourt in a Ford Kugar next to a salesman arranging a test drive for my husband and I for a car we couldn’t afford without taking out a loan. As I drove away feeling very stressed I heard the same voice I heard today….Hannah….get a grip”. After, there was no stillness. There was a rush to get the kids and then ensued after school chaos. But later, my husband and I chatted and agreed that we needed to stop and follow Jesus’ lead. We’ve not heard the car noise since.
Now I want to be clear. My heart doesn’t feel like it’s changed. I would really love a new car. We drive long journeys with the kids. We love cars and would really love to have a shiny SUV. I would love to be content with our old car but I’m not there yet. Our car is currently fine and so we now need to leave it with God and make space for him to speak to us in that still small voice, about our car when the time is right. I’m hoping we find a winning lottery ticket (we don’t play) but I have a feeling he might not do that….bother!
So back to today. I’m sat here and in all honesty I’m feeling a bit grumpy. I would like to be surrounded with bags, new shoes and a big smug smile at the perfect jeans I’ve finally found after 34.9 years. But I’m not. What I’m sat with is money still in my account which can now be spent on what it was actually budgeted for.
I want to clarify that new clothes, cars, shoes and things are not inherently wrong. Not at all. But to assume we need them is. Today I was consumed by the idea of getting things that were not mine to have. Today God is really not that bothered about my wardrobe, he is bothered about my character and ability to listen to him. He has reminded me that he has ADORNED me with riches that will never be destroyed. He can fill me with peace and joy and hope and contentment no matter what I wear. So I’m putting down what I think I want and am trying my level best to continue to discover and pick up what my creator wants for me. Even though I really want some new stuff, they are not my things to have today.
Here’s some reminders for me and maybe for you:
I don’t need a new car to go on a journey.
I don’t need new jeans to be my best me.
I don’t need expensive make-up to be beautiful.
I don’t need the best food to be fed.
I don’t need a huge house to be hospitable and at home.
I DO need Jesus and the peace, love, joy acceptance and hope he FREELY gives.
Plus, I’ve made a deal that he’s gonna give me a smokin’ hot pair of jeans for eternity in heaven.